Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
