oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
