Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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