in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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