that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
