Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were destined to go to rehab together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
