She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
