thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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