k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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