I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
