I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
