3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
