fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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