When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
