Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
