And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
