No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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