i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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