she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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