Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
