is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
