I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
