You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize