I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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