i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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