I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
