Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
