I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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