And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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