Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
