just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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