Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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