Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
