Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
