i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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