I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
