Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
