i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He has the fingertips of a God
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