You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
