You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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