I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
