There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Found the puke drawer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
