so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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