She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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