My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
