Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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