I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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