WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
