It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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