I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
