don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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