And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
