Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
