id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
