i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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