Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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