I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
