She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
