I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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