How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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