i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
