I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
