I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
