He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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