No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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