i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
