We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
