im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
