I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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