your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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