Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
