Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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