I just made out with a guy for $7.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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